Today makes 33 months that I have not had sex with someone else. Do I identify as a sex addict? Actually, I don’t. However, I did take the suggestion of abstaining from sex for my first year in recovery. It is my belief that taking that suggestion helped me in my early recovery. I am more of a Love Addict. It was best for me to not get involved physically with anyone because I may have become too quickly attached to person and then it would be off to the races.
Here’s the funny thing; I have been clean for a little over 27 months now. I’ve mentioned this before, I stopped having sex 5 months before entering treatment for my addiction. It wasn’t about the sex for me - It was about being validated then it only became about getting high.
The disease of addiction is cunning, baffling, and insidious. I found myself, last week, reverting back to old behaviors. Feeling lonely, I went online, onto a site for “hooking-up”, and within minutes I was entertaining the idea buying, using, and probably getting more (Drugs). The last message had the address and by the grace of God I closed the window and didn’t leave my apartment.
I had forgotten about being lonely; I simply wanted to get high. I’m if I had gone and procured my preferred substance, I probably would have found a way to get away from the guy so I could comeback home to get loaded up.
Not having sex is not going to kill anyone. My behaviors and secrets may kill me.
I need to change everything if I am to stay alive.